


Poutine On The Ritz

by Katzedecimal



Series: The Kitchen God's Strife [10]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Cooking, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 04:27:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12646074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katzedecimal/pseuds/Katzedecimal
Summary: Now Sherlock's managed to offend an entire country!  Well, a province.





	Poutine On The Ritz

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FroggyBangBang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FroggyBangBang/gifts).



> This is 99% Froggybangbang's fault and 1% ashes-and-dust's fault. I am completely blameless in this.

[17:30 Mycroft Holmes] What are you doing? Your phone is showing in Ontario?

[17:40 SH] I got kicked out of Quebec. 

[17:41 Mycroft Holmes] Why?

[17:42 SH] I managed to offend the entire province.

[17:43 Mycroft Holmes] By being English?

[17:44 SH] And that, too.   
[17:45 SH] Apparently I offended poutine.

[17:46 Mycroft Holmes] Poutine is an offense in and of itself.  
[17:46 Mycroft Holmes] Albeit a delicious one.  
[17:47 Mycroft Holmes] Considering the many permutations of poutine that have developed over the years, how on earth could anything you make have been offensive?

[17:49 SH] I know.  
[17:50 SH] I've no idea. I don't understand it.  
[17:51 SH] Apparently butter chicken poutine is acceptable and most of the time, it doesn't even have paneer on it.  
[17:51 SH] It doesn't even have sauce brun.

[17:52 Mycroft Holmes] But what did you do?

[17:53 SH] I used yellow Cheddar curds.   
[17:53 SH] I didn't know it **had** to be white Cheddar curds. 

[17:54 Mycroft Holmes] That's it?

[17:55 SH] They were appropriately squeaky.  
[17:55 SH] They softened in the approved fashion.   
[17:56 SH] I thought they were fine.  
[17:57 SH] Apparently I was gravely mistaken. 

[17:58 Mycroft Holmes] They drummed you out of the province because you used the wrong colour of cheese curds?

[17:59 SH] My client makes currywurst poutine.  
[18:00 SH] Poutine, with sauce brun and Cheddar curds, with currywurst on top, with the currywurst sauce drizzled over the sauce brun. 

[18:01 Mycroft Holmes] Currywurst poutine sounds like an assault to civilized senses.  
[18:01 Mycroft Holmes] Now I want some.

[18:02 SH] There was some disagreement over whether grated shop mozzarella was acceptable on poutine.   
[18:02 SH] Apparently butter chicken, currywurst, and grated shop mozzarella are acceptably poutine  
[18:03 SH] But yellow Cheddar curds are unforgiveable.  
[18:04 SH] I don't understand poutine.

[18:05 Mycroft Holmes] Well, you are English. You can't be expected to understand the French Canadians.  
[18:05 Mycroft Holmes] Even the French don't understand the French Canadians.  
[18:06 Mycroft Holmes] But, Sherlock, there is something else that you are that may work in your favour, here.

[18:07 SH] Another country heard from, yes.

[18:08 Mycroft Holmes] You are English, yet you have never held yourself to the standards of acceptable behaviour, or, I should point out, tradition.   
[18:09 Mycroft Holmes] You are something of a maverick.

[18:10 SH] Maverick poutine?

[18:11 Mycroft Holmes] Poutine rebellion must surely be expected of such a man.

[18:12 SH] You are part of the rebel poutine alliance and a traitor!  
[18:13 SH] {{image attached}}

[18:14 Mycroft Holmes] Tag your porn!   
[18:15 Mycroft Holmes] It defies all conceivable logic that a dish should look simultaneously revolting and delicious.  
[18:15 Mycroft Holmes] I like the special touch of the fist raised in defiance.

[18:16 SH] I got tweet-bombed for this.

[18:17 Mycroft Holmes] Driven out with torches and pitchforks?

[18:18 SH] They said I was mad. I'll show them! I'll show them all!

[18:19 Mycroft Holmes] You can show me as soon as you get home. And I want to try that currywurst version.

[18:20 SH] What about the butter chicken?

[18:21 Mycroft Holmes] Only with paneer.


End file.
